1P Start

It’s been a long time since I did one of these, since it doesn’t seem like anyone cares. I’m incredibly bored though and I don’t feel like writing about some stupid Spore creature that looks like something else, so here you go.

Who can help you get through the hot days of summer with chemicals and lots of sugar? That’s right kids, the Kool-Aid Man! In the eighties the Kool-Aid Man was so popular he had his own sitcom called, “Mr. Kool-Aid Man in Charge.” It was a minor hit, but was canceled after a child actor drowned in Kool-Aid Man’s head. Before the shows cancellation, there was a game for the Atari based on the Kool-Aid Man. Behold this wonderful ad that appeared in many comic books:

So there you have it, the Kool-Aid Man video game, inspired by a child murderer.

I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner, but the Angry Video Game Nerd has finally tackled Superman 64. It’s an epic episode only because Superman 64 is one of the most reviled games in video game history.

The one thing that I have to ask is, when is flying through rings ever a good idea in games? I’m a fan of space based flight games and for some reason they’re always throwing some sort of stupid ring based levels in them. Enough already!

It’s funny to think that the game was so bad that when I worked for Wal-Mart and it was still kind of new, it was marked down to 2.00 bucks. Even then we could barely sell the damn thing. I remember a Dad picked it up for his son and I felt terrible ringing up the purchase.

The following video was so hilarious that I just had to share it. If you don’t know him Bill O’Rielly is a right wing blow hard on Fox News. I don’t hate him and everything he stands for like most people, but I disagree with him 99% of the time. I think the only reason I sort of like him is that I used to watch the show Inside Edition obsessively when I was a kid. The following video was cut from some footage of the classic game Battle Toads and a now legendary leaked outtake from Inside Edition where Bill O’Reilly loses hit shit:

Now this is something I can relate to. I wasn’t the most skilled gamer as a kid and Battletoads was one of the most aggravatingly hard games I had ever played in my formative years, especially since I only ever played it with friends who continually beat me up (in the game of course).

Thanks to: Overtime Comedy

Over on Kotaku they ran a story about a one handed controller that is now for sale for the price of 129.99. The controller is designed for disabled people that either only have on hand or can only use one hand and this has got to be the greatest idea ever. I can’t imagine how terrible it would be if I lost a hand and was unable to get my games on anymore, I’d be beyond depressed.

And if you don’t miss the obvious, the one handed controller would be good for the two handed too. The U.S. needs some games where players can… have one free hand… for stuff. Hey, don’t look at me that way! Everyone does it! We need some super fun adult games released to help balance out the amount of horribly violent games out there. Boobs not war people, boobs not war!

The most recent “gamer gets screwed” story hitting the nets lately is that a gamer purchased a 360 along with a copy of Grand Theft Auto IV at his local Target , but was surprised to find that their 360 wasn’t working upon opening the box. Why you might ask? The Xbox 360 was gutted and instead of fun giving microchips and circuits there was a book:

The book inside was the children’s book, “A Series of Unfortunate Events”, so whomever had done this must have had a sense of humor while both stealing and f-ing another person over.

You might ask how this might have happened. I used to work at a retail store and this kind of thing is all too common. I’m guessing that whoever originally bought the Xbox 360 gutted it and returned the item and the return/exchange desk only performed a cursory glance at the Xbox. The worst part about this kind of theft is that when the person that comes in pointing out that they got books inside their Xbox instead of… well an Xbox… the return desk will be a little suspicious, after all it could be a person performing a scam claiming that they had been scammed. Personally I ran into this once when I worked in electronics. A person bringing back a PS2 claimed it was filthy. After I opened the box I found a really old ass PS2 that had been around the block a few times. I let the return go through, but that was up to me. Hopefully the guy who purchased the expensive book carrier here will be able to convince the Target staff that he’s the victim, not the culprit.

Thanks to: Binge Gamer for the original story.

For a different take on April Fool’s, Rare posted five different possible plots for the new Banjo game, with one being actual truth. A NeoGAF poster helped clear out some choices by eliminating three of the choices as they are the plots from other games. Rumor 2 = Banjo Effect (Mass Effect), Rumor 4: Too Banjo (Too Human), and Rumor 5: Banjo Wars (Halo Wars). Still, any of these really are possible, right now im going with Rumor One as being the real deal, as I just can’t see a Banjo being put out with the word “T.I.T.” in the game description, that is more of a Conker thing.

Rumor One: Banjo and Grunty team up against a new threat, falling in love in the process.
Sexy post-transformation Grunty makes a return and proves irresistible to our heroic bear, much to Kazooie’s disgust. Can the mismatched trio defeat their fire-breathing foe?

Rumor Two: Kazooie is abducted by aliens and Banjo heads out to search the cosmos.
Partway through his low-gravity exploits, he discovers who’s taken her… and it’s a familiar face from the Rare archives who has been ‘turned to the green side’ by Grunty.

Rumor Three: Banjo and Kazooie travel back through time in pursuit of the witch’s giant T.I.T.
Grunty drives her Time Interfering Truck back to before the bear and bird met. The duo must reintroduce themselves and relearn everything they know in a completely new way!

Rumor Four: Banjo comes out of retirement to stop his home being redeveloped into tower blocks and malls.
To end the struggle, a capricious higher power engineers a bear/witch showdown through worlds of the imagination – with Spiral Mountain’s ownership deeds going to the victor.

Rumor Five: War comes to Spiral Mountain, and Banjo becomes a reluctant leader.
Ever seen a Jinjo Tank? Or Grunty’s Grappling Grenadier Grunts? You will when you take on our innovative RTS-platformer hybrid campaign.

—-

Rareware, Rare, Banjo Kazooie, BK3, Xbox 360

Yesterday I had the pleasure of walking through geeks, dorks, and nerds that surprisingly, didn’t smell as bad as I thought they would. MegaCon 2008 is taking place in Orlando Florida for 3 days, it is a generally comic focused event, however throughout the years I have been going (over 10 years), it has expanded further and further into other geeky related realms, Sci-Fi movies/television, Toys, and of course… Gaming.

Video games is definitely one of those subjects that hits very close to home for many basement dwelling comic book fans (like myself), so to help support this love, people like to dress up as their favorite characters and have their pictures taken by strangers. Luckily, I love to take pictures, so please join me as I stroll through some of the gaming related people that were about, along with comparison shots in case you don’t recognize the characters:

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Cracked has done it again with one of their great lists, taking a group of individually bad things and collecting them for the good of our amusement. This time with a theme we can all appreciate, annoying video game characters. I can’t say that I agree with the full list… but more than 50% right isn’t too shabby:

15 Baby Mario from Yoshi’s Island
14 Miles “Tails” Prower from Sonic the Hedgehog 2
13 Slippy Toad from Star Fox 64
12 Ashley Graham from Resident Evil 4
11 Raiden from Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
10 Natalya from Goldeneye
09 John Madden from the Madden Football Series
08 Navi from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
07 Tingle from Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
06 Daxter from Jak and Daxter
05 Mr. Resetti from Animal Crossing
04 The Cops from Road Rash
03 Waluigi from Mario Tennis
02 Every Racer that uses Comeback A.I., from Countless Racing Games
01 The Dog from Duck Hunt

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In a strait up admittance that the idea is stolen from SomethingAwful’s well known “Photoshop Phriday” they do (which are well worth checking out btw), NeoGAF has a thread started taking images and photoshopping them using the letters from the game’s original name (.. “Anagram”). Below are just a sample of my favorites… some are greatness, some are odd, just make sure to hold out till the last one for childish humor at its best:

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Ladies and Gents it pains me to say my farewells to 1PStart. I’ve been here only a short time, though I’ve been at Xbox 360 Rally (another 451 site) for just under a year. I will miss you guys, though you’re probably throwing a party, chanting “he’s leaving! Huzzah! Huzzah!”. If you do miss me, though, you can find me at my new home BingeGamer.net.

It’s been fun, and I hope to see y’all around.

P.S.: Qbix — E-mail me, dude. I’m still gonna get your GTA IV to ya.

Nothing to see here folks. Seriously, no games. Play what you have. I leave you with a comic from 2pstart.com, they have a video game related web comic with their thoughts and lots of other good things that you should check them out, if you browsed Penny Arcade or VGCats, definitely add these guys do your bookmark.. Below is one of my favorite ones.

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Oh man. While browsing through NeoGAF I stumbled upon a post that has seriously changed my outlook on the Animal Crossing series (One I am a fan of. I am currently playing Viva Pinata lately, but it just isn’t the same). The post contained a link to a thread over at SomethingAwful, which to me means quality. Off I go to read onto not just a quick post, but a full story with unaltered screenshots from the game to provide proof of how one gamer found a deep story buried in Animal Crossing. Click after the break to see just one chapter to give you a glimpse into the story. I highly recommend if you like this, to find the table of contents to the posts here and enjoy, it is good reading:

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When it comes to watching TV, I am a very particular guy, I go from one end to having the shows I watch must contain some sort of “thinking man” type content that makes me reevaluate life as we know it, or, it has to be a cartoon of the simplest kind (every so often the worlds collide and I get a gem like South Park). I digress, let me bring this back to the gaming side of things and why you should let your systems cool off for a second, as two shows have come up recently that I think you should check out.

The first, Ill be honest, I am not sure if it is still going to be airing. A special on VH1 called “Rock Band Cometh: The Rock Band Band Story” mocked all the rockumentary type shows that Mtv and VH1 produce on real artists, but this time having the line up of four artists who took over our fine nation by playing with the video game Rock Band. It was corny, yet so well done. See the first part below, and links right under where you can catch the rest of the full episode, lots of cameos from real life rockers/hosts/comedians who claim their influence by the Rock Band Band helped shape them. Corny, but good times.

(Act 2 Act 3 Act 4 Act 5)

The second documentary is really a must see for all who are into the background of gaming at all. See the start of gaming before there was even Mario, hell, before there was even Pong, then watch the evolution as continue this documentary series all the way up until now. The third episode will be tonight at 8pm on the Discovery channel. For now, here is a link to download Episode 1 and Episode 2. Keep your eyes out on Mininova.org if you are unable to catch the episodes live or forget to DVR/Tivo them, as they are not to be missed, informative and actually enjoyable to watch. Check Discovery.com for the remaining dates on the fourth and fifth episodes (and possible reairings if Bit Torrent is not your cup of tea)

Homer: Howdy, gents, I’m here to collect my free *Lou and Eddie handcuff him* Ow! Oh, my boating arm! What’s going on?

Chief Wiggum: You’re under arrest, slimebag. What’s this punk in for, Lou?

Lou: 235 unpaid parking tickets, totaling $175.

Chief Wiggum: I hope you brought your checkbook, wiseguy.

Homer: You lousy cops. Lucky for you, I’m double-parked, or I’d *slams pen* There. Now, could I please have my motorboat?

This exact scene has come to life, take out free motorboat and replace with free Xbox 360, and you have yourself what has went down in Colorado during November 5th - 9th. Just like Homer, Snake, and others in the Simpsons were lead to believe they had won some sort of prize, one after the other people showed up right in cops hands thinking they were going to get a free Xbox. All persons arrested had outstanding warrants for either violent crimes, illegal entry charges, and drug charges. 115 people arrested should watch the Simpsons more often (or to a lesser extent, not commit crimes). I can’t say I necessarily agree with how this went down, but I will be damned if it isn’t funny.

[El Paso Times via Maxconsole]

Gaming forums NeoGAF have started up their gaming themed motivational posters for this year. Using a script on bighugelabs.com, users (and yourself too!) can create a motivational poster and post them in this thread. Keep an eye on the thread for more updates as users make them (and if you are not a member of NeoGAF, feel free to make one and leave it in the comments here, I love these things). For now, check after the break to see some of my favorite pics so far just off the first few pages:

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